Subtle Bluntness

Well, I saw two movies in the last two weeks, Jennifer’s Body and Surrogates.  Jennifer’s Body was fun horror/comedy, and Surrogates was kind of fun (because of Bruce Willis) sci-fi/action, but it was Surrogates that got my brain a-scrambling like a midget on a treadmill.  Well, it was a combination of Surrogates and this quote from the lovely and talented Holly:

(Realizing, of course, that I can paint whatever picture of myself I want on here, but that’s beside the point, wink wink.)

That kind of rolled around in my brain at the time like a lost marble, but it wasn’t until Surrogates that it kind of sunk in for me.  Not to spoil anything, but most of the Surries look like their real-life counterparts (Bruce WIllis is Bruce Willis, but with awful hair; Rosamund Pike looks like herself but with big hair and better skin; Ving Rhames looks like himself but with a glorious beard and Bob Marley dreads, etc.) Now I know that it’s probably a question of cheapness on the part of the filmmakers.  Plus why would you cast name actors and not have them look like themselves; but aside from two or three background figures, all the rest of the Surrogates looked like real people too.  Just slightly cleaned up, smoothed out real people without blemishes or scars or body fat.

It’s the best version of whoever that actor is.

Really, that’s what we all do.  Sure we don’t have robot wigs, but I think that deep down everyone does their best to put their best foot forward because most of us believe that deep down, there’s something good about ourselves.  Sure we might want to shave off a few pounds or not have to worry about shaving every 6 hours to keep a smooth face  or would like to thicken up the ol’ head of hair and other things that aren’t talking about my personal issues exclusively, but for the most part, we think we’re all right.  Or that we have the potential, at our core, to be something attractive to others. We might not feel that way, and we definitely exaggerate our own flaws more so than others would, but we all want to think we’re redeemable.  And, for the most part, we are.  Or we could be.  That’s why people play Second Life.

That’s kind of what blogging is, in a way.  We’re putting out some version of ourselves, be it overly positive, overly critical, or just exaggerated in some way, for the consumption of others.  Our words (well, my words) are my Surrogate to you, the uninterested reader who has long since branded this a teal deer and moved on to something with a punchline.

This is how I present myself to the world, at least in this location.  I take on other tones at other places, share different pieces of myself in different areas, but it’s not the full picture.  To put everything out there is to take on too much risk.  Somebody might see something or read something and be offended or confused or whatever.  That’s what Surrogates are good for in the movie, and that’s what Surrogates are good for in the blogodecahedron.  That’s why all those social media things have privacy functions.  We need to keep some folks out and let other folks in.

We’re all one step away from a dentist chair, a robot in a wig that looks like Perfect Us, and no reason to change out of our pajamas.

See that up there?  That’s Samuel L. Jackson in a Nazi uniform.  Kind of crazy, isn’t it?

Well, that’s actually one of the most sane things about The Spirit, which I reviewed on Special 2-Disc DVD.  I was eagerly awaiting the movie when I heard it was going to be released, as I wanted to see what Frank Miller could do with real power.  Of course, as more trailers got released, I kind of lost interest because it looked (frankly) bad.  Actually, it looked terrible, and that was my mistake.

Is The Spirit a good movie?  No, not in the sense that Citizen Kane is a good movie.  Is it consistently crazy, visually stunning, and endlessly entertaining?  Hell yes!  In an era where The Dark Knight makes all superhero movies serious, brooding, and hyperviolent, The Spirit is a direct response to that trend.  It’s Frank Miller saying (as he has done with All Star Batman and Robin), “Hey, Christopher Nolan!  It’s okay to smile; it’s a friggin’ comic book!  You can be goofy if you want!”

Sometimes it’s okay to have fun with a movie, especially if it’s based off a kinda goofy comic strip from The Olden Days.  It’s reverent to the look and style of Will Eisner’s original strips, but there’s no doubt it’s Frank Miller’s project all the way.  That alone should help weed out those who can’t embrace the madness.

I was watching clips of Dolemite (don’t ask) tonight when I stumbled across a blaxploitation trailer I’d never seen before. I clicked on it and found myself watching the red band promo for Black Dynamite. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that not only is it a new movie (with Michael Jai White of all people), but it’s also not a spoof! I think we’ve got a real live blaxploitation move on our hands here, gang.

Needless to say, I’m excited.

The Mummy 3 is, without a doubt, a dumb movie. Just when things seem like they’re getting more reasonable, something insane shows up and makes the movie that much crazier. Brendan Frasier is carved from a block of maple. Maria Bello has nothing to work with. There’s not enough Jet Li or Michelle Yeoh, and too much Luke Ford. They’re blatantly setting up the franchise for more sequels. The CGI (aside from the battle scenes) is dodgy at best. There’s not an actual, factual mummy.

Other than all that, it was surprisingly fun. I wouldn’t rent it on DVD, but seeing it on the big screen makes it more palatable. I shouldn’t have liked it, yet I have to say it’s more entertaining than X-Files: I Want to Believe.

The Dark Knight is quite possibly the most hyped film of the year, thanks to the death of Heath Ledger. As it turns out, the second of Christopher Nolan’s Batman films might also be the best film of the year as well. Check out my comprehensive review at Den of Geek.

Honestly, this movie was so good writing the review was practically impossible. It’s so much easier to shred a movie for being bad, but when a movie is so great I have absolutely nothing to complain about? There’s nothing harder than that. I even tried to think of one thing to bitch about, but I had nothing! This might be the best comic book movie of all time. (Yes, better than X-Men 2, Spider-Man 2, and even Iron Man.)