Subtle Bluntness

I’m digging The Creepshow quite a bit.  Something about their combination of rockabilly, doo-wop backing vocals, horror movie imagery, and general awesomeness is hitting all my spots.  It’s Halloween 24/7/365 here at SB for you new kids on the block.

I’ve been on a serious horror kick lately anyway.  I’ve reread The Rising and City of the Dead, and I picked up Dead Sea and The Conqueror Worms (all by Brian Keene, the best new horror writer around).  I’ve also reread some of my collected issues of The Walking Dead from Image Comics/Robert Kirkman and David Wellington’s Monster Island (which you can read free online but don’t be cheap; buy a copy because this kind of thing needs to be encouraged).

All of these save The Conqueror Worms are zombie novels.  The Conqueror Worms involves a world-ending flood, giant monsters, and (of course) worms.  Hence the second song (also from The Creepshow).

As I was having my aperitif this morning before breakfast, it hit me that today is Friday.  That means it’s time for Feel Good Friday.  So my aperitif became an Aperitif for Destruction.

So the swine flu is coming to kill you and rape your pets.  Now you can either go read what the government and science has to say about our latest super disease and either be scared out of your wits or you can go read a list of things I’ve learned about virus outbreaks from the movies and be adequately prepared for how the end of the world will really go down.  It’s up to you.

You have two choices.  Well, three, but only two choices that matter.  You can go down the left hand path and trust in a government that has lied to us since George Washington had his wooden teeth whitewashed to look like real people teeth.  You can go down the right hand path and trust in Hollywood, which always tells the truth (provided the truth has gun fights, a shower scene, and at least one slow motion ‘running down a hallway away from a giant fireball’ scene).  You can go down both paths and figure out which one you like best.

Or you can go down neither path and continue to live in your blissfully ignorant world of blissful ignorance.  The truth is a scary place.  Rated R, no one under 17 permitted without parent or guardian.

Video: TV Squad

I was going to do a legitimate post, but while I’m working on that, have a video of a zombie outbreak instead. I could complain about how real zombies don’t have heat signatures, but that would take away from how good the video is despite the logical inconsistencies. Then again, as anyone could tell you, I’m something of a pedant about my zombie attack videos. So instead of complaining, I’ll tell a Yakov Smirnoff joke.

In America, you eat the flesh of the dead. In Soviet Russia, the dead eat you!

So, thanks to the great and wonderful Jade, who is always looking out for me, I’ve discovered what is probably the best webcomic I’ve ever read. It’s called Raising Hell. It’s as good as anything on the comic book store shelves right now, if not better because it usually comes out on time, and… yeah, go check it out.

It hits all my spots. There’s punk rock, zombies, romance, a redheaded sexpot heroine, violence, binge drinking, zombies, a house party, a reference to House Party, comedy, and of course, ZOMBIES! WHY ARE YOU STILL READING THIS?! GO GO GO! You’re missing out! If any of this stuff even remotely appeals to you, then you’ll thank me. Even if you don’t like this stuff, check it out anyway.

Brilliant. Totally brilliant.

Hey gang. I know I got tagged for a meme awhile back, and I’ll get to that eventually. Until then, allow me to expand your mind a bit by reminding you of some brilliant pop culture stuff that you missed the first time around.

First of all, for fans of The Groundlings, there’s the brilliant Night Stand, and my Cultelevision take on said program. Sadly, no one else remembers this show but me, but that’s okay. Most people have awful taste in TV anyway, and the important thing is I liked the show. It’s a hilarious spoof of daytime talk shows, and as daytime shows get weirder and weirder, Night Stand has never seen more dead-on.

Secondly, for the gaming dorks, we’ve got two entries. I’ve written about Second Life before, but now there’s actually something to do IN Second Life thanks to the surprisingly fun despite the shitty Linden grid, I Am Legend: Survivor. It’s survival horror meets third-person shooter, and it’s probably the closest thing we’ll ever get to the zombie-themed MMO I’ve always wanted.

In other things I’m craving MMO versions of, we’ve got my favorite computer RPG of all time, the innovative and deep Fallout. Man, I love this game; even to this day, it’s on my hard drive and I still fire it up from time to time. Not only are they working on Fallout 3 as we speak, they’re also working on a Fallout MMO! Huzzah! (now let’s hope they actually finish the damn thing!)

Other than writing like 6 things this week, I haven’t done a damn thing.

dontturnoffthelightsdontturnoffthelightsdontturnoffthelightsdontturnofftheli

shes got friends but I don’t know how many it has to be a lot of them

i can hear them groaning and slap slap slapping against the walls breaking glass breaking fingernails breaking me

i can smell them through the air conditioner sickly sweet like orchids and blood

tvs still broacasting but brian williams is going crazy you can see it in his eyes so hollow and deadcold

i wish theyd shut up i cant take all the fucking noise the cd player just makes them groan louder

oh fuck oh fuck I dropped my gun out the fucking window oh fuck I’m so fucking dead it’s not even funny I was going to shoot one that came up to the back door and started pounding on it but she reached out and grabbed me and I dropped the fucking gun and now I’m fucking panicking

The last local station signed off at 2:15 this afternoon. We’re getting the New York bunker feed now. Brian Williams looks like he’s been through hell. You and me both, buddy.