Either way, I have a new candidate to become my millionaire girlfriend or the latest in my long line of celebrity ex-wives.

Click here to view the embedded video.

So, long story short, if you liked those two movies, or you like Craig Robinson in any of his 20 or so memorable roles this year from Miss March to Pineapple Express and Zack and Miri Make A Porno, then you’ll like this movie.  Also, John Cusack fans will probably enjoy it, too.  Apparently there are a lot of those.

Author’s note:  Crispin Glover has now been in two movies where he’s played the same character 20 years apart.  First George McFly in Back to the Future and now again as Phil the bellhop, 1986 and 2010 versions.  He now joins Tim “Ted the Bellhop” Roth and Jerry Lewis in the pantheon of great movie bellhops.  Just some trivia for you.

Unfortunately, the movie is actually pretty terrible.  It’s kind of an anti-The Crazies in the respect that it’s taking from great source movies, but doesn’t do anything with it.  Even more damning, it’s got some really good actors in the lead roles.  In particular, Forest Whitaker gives a great performance that’s absolutely wasted on some really terrible material.

I don’t get it.  Why would a good actor sign on for a bad movie?  Did he not know the script was bad when he signed on?  Did they kill it with editing (not possible since the movie is still 2 hours long) and rewrites?  Did he just need the money?

There’s nothing sadder than a good actor in a terrible film, giving us his all with shitty material.  I mean, if it’s a choice between Forest working and Forest not working, I’d rather see him than not see him.  Still, he could do better than this.  There’s no reason for him not to be doing better roles, aside from his weight (he looks much slimmer now than he has previously).

I got the book pretty quickly after I was approved for the blog program, which was impressive in and of itself.  More impressive was the fact that I basically picked up the book one day, randomly, and had my review finished by that same time the next day.  I tore through the book like a zombie at a meat processing plant.  It really is a great, funny read if you know anything about Victorian England.

Perhaps more importantly, you can win a free copy of the book and a bunch of other stuff.  Just head over to Quirk’s forum, sign up and register (I know it’s a bitch, but there’s like $100 worth of freebies up for grabs for 50 people) and let them know where you saw it. Either here, PopFi, or DoG works, since Quirk knows they’re all me.  Make me look good, readership.  If you somehow don’t manage to win, you can just buy the book for $8.73 at Amazon (or 80 cents if you use a Kindle).  It’s definitely worth the purchase.

I also managed to get out and see The Crazies, the 2010 Breck Eisner remake of the 1973 George Romero virus panic horror flick, except this time The Crazies are basically zombies, and the Romero framework is used to support a greatest-hits of postmodern zombie movies.  I also enjoyed it, and it seems more people enjoyed it than did Cop Out, at least in terms of critical indices and whatnot.  Not like I care what critics say, but it’s nice to know I’m not the only person out there in the wilderness, screeching at the top of my lungs that a movie is adequately entertaining.

Fortunately, we’re not so far into production that I can’t offer my suggestions to all involved.  Here are the 10 things I want from the World of Warcraft movie.  Why 10?  Because people love lists of things in nice, round numbers, and there’s nothing rounder than 10, except maybe 8.

It’s not novel like B13, or as well done and tense as Taken, but it’s still a really fun action movie and worth checking out if you like European action flicks, John Travolta, or lots of people getting shot in Paris.  As I described the movie in my Den of Geek review, “It’s like The Odd Couple, but one of them kills dozens of people!”

Wouldn’t Camp Besson be the real most magical place on earth?  I mean, you run from explosions down a hallway, you shoot down dozens of people in cold blood, you have ripping action sequences and car chases, and you’re generally the most awesome guy around.  There’s no way I wouldn’t go to Camp Besson every summer for a refresher course in ass-kickery.

Yes, I know I just mixed Shakespeare’s Hamlet with Shelley’s Ozymandias.  I did that in much the same way Legion mixes The Bible, action movies, zombies, and ham-fisted CGI:  deliberately and with malice aforethought.  It’s not that Legion is bad, it’s just that Legion is incredibly dumb.  I have no doubt that it’ll make a great Rifftrax one day.

Either way, I think pretty much any B-quality movie (which Eli is just because of its setting) can be improved with the presence of quality actors who are willing to slum it a little.  Hence Denzel as Eli.  Gary Oldman, while a fine actor, is always willing to slum it in a B-style movie (see his long history of working with Luc Besson), so he doesn’t count for this discussion.  His style of villain is always appreciated.

This topic smells like an article idea, so if you have any good suggestions for A-list actors in B-movie roles, please suggest them below.  I could use some help on this one from the collective Internet Braintrust.

For the most part, my list seems to get approval.  Some people don’t like the inclusion of B movies like Machete and The Expendables; that’s fine.  They’re mostly respectful.  Some people are angry that I left off movies that come out in 2011.  That’s fine too; it’s not my fault you can’t read or do simple Google-based reasearch.  Some people think my selection of an 11th movie, The Twilight Saga: Eclipse, is stupid.  I guess they didn’t read the part where I talked about how excited I am by the chance to slag off yet another Turdlight film.  That’s fine, I can’t force people to get sarcasm, and DoG hasn’t paid up to buy the Sarcasm Mark yet.

However, one common thread is that people are livid about two movies:  Alice in Wonderland and Robin Hood.

When it comes to Alice, I kind of understand.  People (geeks) are sick of Johnny Depp prancing around in an incredibly gay costume.  I get that.  People are also sick of Tim Burton selling them a bill of goods, then delivering another half-baked shit brownie of a movie.  I get that, too.  But the outright hate is kind of mystifying.  Doesn’t he still have moments of occasional brilliance, even in his lowest moments?  Well, not Planet of the Apes low, but Sweeny Todd wasn’t all bad and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory had its moments!  Hell, I threw the caveat right there in the description!  “Despite being burned by Burton’s last few films, it’s hard not to be taken in by the chance that this sequel to Alice In Wonderland recaptures the laudanum dreamscape of Burton’s classic films.“  Plus, the script is out of his hands and is in the hands of someone who has won a Best Picture (Linda Woolverton), so hopefully it’ll be better than his normal product.

And the other object of hate?  Robin Hood has been done to death; I get that.  People are letting Russell Crowe’s personal life and temper detract from their enjoyment of his acting work; I get that too.  But are people really not familiar with Ridley Scott?  I mean, does the fact that he made Alien make a difference?  OR that Gladiator was actually a really good movie in spite of the hype?  Blade Runner?  Legend?  Am I wrong in saying this could be the best version of Robin Hood’s tired story since the Disney cartoon?  I threw a caveat on this one too, saying its quality would depend largely on Brian Helgeland’s script (he did both LA Confidential and The Postman, so it’s a crapshoot [literally]).

But no, I don’t want to see them remake Clash of the Titans and ruin it with computers when they’re doing better stop motion now than they ever have.  No, I don’t give a crap about Prince of Persia.  And no, I’m not terribly excited by Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World, if only because I’m kind of sick of Michael Cera and am totally unfamilar with the source material.  I can’t even get credit for the 8 good movies I did pick versus the toss-ups I included and the exercise in masochism I added.

But hey, fuck me for having some uncharacteristic optimism, right?