Subtle Bluntness

Enjoy this delicious bowl of weird pudding.

Goodnight Keith Moon might be my new favorite take on a classic literary tale ever.  This is just spectacular.  Kudos to Bruce Worden and Clare Cross for this deliciously dark nugget of comedy gold.  I could not be more amused by this.

Blame my blogless friend Andrew for this gem.

Before the final match, the Norwegian wrestling coach came to Ole and said, “Now, don’t forget all the research we’ve done on this Russian. He’s never lost a match because of this ‘pretzel’ hold he has”. Whatever you do, do not let him get you in that hold! If he does, you’re finished’.

Ole nodded in acknowledgment.

As the match started, Ole and the Russian circled each other several times, looking for an opening. All of a sudden, the Russian lunged forward, grabbing Ole and wrapping him up in the dreaded pretzel hold A sigh of disappointment arose from the crowd and the coach buried his face in his hands, for he knew all was lost. He couldn’t watch the inevitable happen.

Suddenly, there was a scream, then a cheer from the crowd and the coach raised his eyes just in time to watch the Russian go flying up in the air. His back hit the mat with a thud and Ole collapsed on top of him making the pin and winning the match.

The crowd went crazy. The coach was astounded.

When he finally got his wrestler alone, he asked, “How did you ever get out of that hold? No one has ever done it before!”

Ole answered, “Vell, I vas ready to give up ven he got me in dat hold, but at da last moment, I opened my eyes and saw dis pair of testicles right in front of my face…I had nuttin’ to lose so wid my last ounce of strength I stretched out my neck and bit dose babies just as hard as I could.”

So the trainer exclaimed, “That’s what finished him off!”

“Vel not really. You’d be amazed how strong you get ven you bite your own nuts!”

So long as I keep finding stuff like this, I’ll keep posting it.

It’s like Alexandre Aja’s idea of a McDonald’s commercial!

From Attack of the Show via io9, here’s Rob Zombie’s Where The Wild Things Are.  I have to say, it looks like my kind of kaiju movie!  Anything involving the Wild Things bathing in blood I’m in favor of.

I have nothing to say, other than:

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Via YBNBY, here’s a great mash-up of one of my favorite pop cultural phenomena with one of the biggest news stories of the past few weeks.  As always, the moral of our story here is don’t rape children.

And yes, before anyone rises to defend their favorite non-Victor Salva pedophile director, it was rape.  It wasn’t “she was 13 but she was asking for it,” it was “she was 13, she said no, I got her drunk and gave her pills, she kept saying no and crying, so I fucked her in the ass anyway.”  Normal people who rape barely-teenagers go to jail.  Normal people who run from the cops go to jail even longer.

If there’s any justice, Roman Polanski will get thrown into jail where he’ll become the 13-year-old girl.

As some of you know, I have a lot of writing jobs.  Pretty much everywhere I post these days has some sort of blog advertisement, except for this site.  Not anymore.  I’ve managed to secure myself a sponsor for Subtle Bluntness, and here’s their commercial.

Actually, that’s not my sponsor.  I don’t have one.  But I DO have the ability to wander on over to the Phoenix HIll Tavern this Sunday at 8 PM to listen to the King of Country Western Troubadours, Unknown Hinson, play his 21 chart-topping hits.  Not only will the King himself play, the openers will be the Louisville rockabilly band Parlour Tricks, two of whom were members of BSP/The Dead City Rejects.  Needless to say, let’s do a Feel Good Friday song for it.

This one is dedicated to all the mens out there what have to deal with all them womerns out there.

Just when I thought I’d seen the gayest thing ever, along comes showtunes-singing Charles Nelson Reilly in a banana costume.  Moments later, that horrible image is topped by the very same Banana Nelson Reilly drawing the most Freudian “banana” in a “hat” in phallic symbol history.

If that’s not nightmare fuel, then I’ve never seen nightmare fuel.