Dec 01 2009
ninjas need to assassinate the people behind me
I got to indulge my inner child this weekend by going to see Ninja Assassin, the new martial arts movie starring Korean pop star Rain, Naomie Harris, and Sho Kosugi, the king of the ninja. I can honestly say I went in expecting something awful, but what I got was a slice of deliciously brainless martial arts action cinema thanks in no small part to the Wachowskis and James McTeigue. When they decide to stow their politics and attempts at intelligence, they can put together a fun movie.
Here’s my review of the wonderfully bloody ninja throwback. Number six at the box office, number one in my (stabbed) heart. Still, there was a problem.
One of the reasons I stopped going to the theater closest to me is because of the clientel. People just don’t know how to behave in movies anymore. It really ruins my enjoyment of a movie when I have assholes sitting around me.
For example, during Ninja Assassin, this black couple (who sat right behind me for no apparently reason when there was plenty of other rows open) ate dinner during the movie. Not just popcorn or a snack or a hamburger or something, I mean four styrofoam cartons of food that they brought in with a garbage-bag sized plastic sack to hold it all. And they proceeded to just throw down on their chow mein or whatever the hell they had in the styrofoam, rattling and squeaking and generally being so completely and totally obnoxious that I really wanted to go narc on them, which is against every fiber of my being.
I admit I was impressed that they got four whole meals into the theater, but aside from that? No, dude. If you’re going to eat, eat the crappy food they provide. if you’re going to sneak in food, don’t spent 45 minutes scraping it around with your spork. Be considerate of the people who are sitting right in front of you, in your spit/scrape/spill zone. If you have to rattle your plastic bags, at least go sit on pervert row where your annoyance capabilities are reduced.
If they were just dumb teens, that’s one thing. Teens don’t know they’re dumb and obnoxious, that’s what makes them teenagers (and explains why everyone hates Tyler on V). These were two adults in their 30’s or 40’s. People who ought to know better than to eat their whole take-out meal in the middle of the freaking movie theater.
Long story short, unless they have tables, don’t eat a whole meal there. If they do have tables, then grub away. If you’re going to sneak in a whole garbage bag of food, at least offer to share a burrito or give me a piece of your KFC. If possible, try not to be a noisy asshole, too.
We actually have a cafe next to one of our theaters that will let you bring food in. I can’t imagine eating a sandwich while watching a movie though. That’s popcorn and candy bar time.
Though, when I lived in Indianapolis, there was a bar and grill that was also a theater. Never went in, and I always wanted to. I’ll have to see if there is one where I live now.
I’ve been to places like that: at the Alamo Drafthouse, you actually order legitimate food and they bring you a whole meal of food to eat while you watch Old School or whatever new release you catch. They also do fun theme days, like Troma Thursday. There’s also a B&G in my local theater I go to, with liquor license. Originally you were supposed to be able to take drinks from the bar into the theaters, but the Christians complained and they nixed it.