Apr 29 2009
Things To Read Before The Swine Flu Kills You
So the swine flu is coming to kill you and rape your pets. Now you can either go read what the government and science has to say about our latest super disease and either be scared out of your wits or you can go read a list of things I’ve learned about virus outbreaks from the movies and be adequately prepared for how the end of the world will really go down. It’s up to you.
You have two choices. Well, three, but only two choices that matter. You can go down the left hand path and trust in a government that has lied to us since George Washington had his wooden teeth whitewashed to look like real people teeth. You can go down the right hand path and trust in Hollywood, which always tells the truth (provided the truth has gun fights, a shower scene, and at least one slow motion ‘running down a hallway away from a giant fireball’ scene). You can go down both paths and figure out which one you like best.
Or you can go down neither path and continue to live in your blissfully ignorant world of blissful ignorance. The truth is a scary place. Rated R, no one under 17 permitted without parent or guardian.
Video: TV Squad
I’m a bit disappointed–I was hoping the swine flu was going to turn everyone into swine, much like whatever it was that turned everyone into rhinoceros in the Ionesco play (and 1973 film based on same). ;)